It took a lot for me to write again.  I kept wanting to, but I never felt like I had the energy, and as I predicted, not many people read my first post anyway.  But I felt like it today.  I know that part of what keeps me from posting is this inherent fear that by posting anything, by even having a blog, I am being extremely self-indulgent.  That comes from my ex-wife.  I don't know if it's true.  I enjoy writing, but I don't enjoy being depressed.  I enjoy hearing from people, but I don't enjoy hearing trite comments about how I'll meet someone when I'm not looking and that there's someone for everyone when clearly there's not.  But I was thinking about this for a while, thinking about what was the point of even writing this blog, and I came up with a reason... something which seems feasible or at least possible.  This is why I changed the name of my blog.  Originally it was called "Memoirs of a Depressed, Lonely, Sad Guy", or something along those lines, but now I'm simply calling it, "Never Alone But Always Alone" because I realized that this perfectly describes how I feel.  I am never more lonely than when I'm alone in a crowd, and it seems lately like there are always crowds around, full of people who are happy and together, and who basically aren't me.  And I realized that there MUST be lots of other people who feel the same way; who have never felt like they fit in, or felt they did, but then had it demonstrated to them that they didn't.  I wanted them to join me here in the blog.  I can't help them to fit in any more than they can help me, but I thought it might be better for all of us to join together in our misery.  So, to all of my friends or anyone else who reads this blog, if you think you know someone who feels like they are always the odd one out, please send them this way.  Maybe this experiment will end in epic failure, but I want to try anyway.  I know it probably sounds like I'm hoping some lonely girl will contact me and I'll have a girlfriend, but that's not what I'm doing this for.  I've always wanted to try to do something more important, or something that has just a little more meaning.  I don't know if there is anything I can do at all, but what the hell?  I can try and if it doesn't go anywhere, it doesn't really do anything more to me.
On the other front, I was rejected by another girl yesterday.  Some girl on a dating site.  She said through one of those stupid "like" buttons that she liked me, so I sent her a message.  We talked for a little bit, and then she said she wasn't interested.  I don't understand why she said she liked me then.  Is the function of the like button on a dating site really that hard to understand?  I tried not to be upset about it, but that didn't work so well.  There was another girl I've been talking to for a few months, who even said she wanted to go out on a date with me.  Tonight she told me she's going on a date with someone, and she's been seeing him on and off for years.  Nice.  About five girls sent me virtual "flirts" on another dating site and when I sent them messages saying hello and starting a conversation, they all disappeared.  I have to stop writing now.

This is my first post. Does anyone really read these things?

Okay, so I've never written a blog before.  In fact, I kinda, sorta made fun of bloggers in the past, because of this demotivational poster I saw on www.despair.com:

I can honestly say that I expect this poster to be completely true in my case, because why the hell would anyone care what I have to say...  I mean, who am I?  I don't have anything too terribly important to say, and I'm certainly not smart enough to come up with amazing insights or poignant prose.

Well, whatever.  I've been told about five different times by five separate people in the past couple of months that I should start a blog about how depressed and lonely I am, so I'm going to give it a shot.  I can't imagine anyone cares, although I'm sure there are plenty of people who can relate.

Why am I depressed?  Because I'm alone.  Because I'm starting to feel like I'm always going to be alone.  I have a really hard time meeting women, an even harder time asking them out, and a still harder time getting them to say yes.  I've been married, but I knew I didn't want to marry her, and I found out later that she never loved me; she just was afraid of not meeting anyone else, too.  She and I parted on good terms, we're still friends, and we had a daughter when we were together, so I get to see her a lot.  But I don't really fit in with them, and I never really fit in with my own family either.  At least, I never felt like I fit in.  They said I did, but isn't that what anyone would say?

Anyway, I have more to say, but not enough time right now.  I have to sleep, because I hold two jobs, and I never have enough time to sleep, so I will cut this short.  I'll try to write a new post in a few days.  Feel free to share your thoughts or comments.  Sorry if I rambled a bit on this post, but it's my first, so I'm still learning.